Had a crazy week this week but two events have struck me particularly.
The first was an appointment with my mum at the memory clinic to assess what is going on with her memory – she thinks nothing but old agae and I suspect something else. It’s hard to describe the difference between my memory loss and that of my mum’s. I eventually decided it’s that ‘you don’t remember that you don’t remember’!
I remember that I have forgotten to do things – sometimes of my own accord or when people remind me but my mum doesn’t. Clearly there are problems and she now has to have further tests to see what is happening. She is frightened and I am frightened for her. Memory loss like this starts to become a loss of who you are and that must be the most frightening thing of all – over loss of independence which comes to most folk as they attain great age. She is beginning to use aids to help her remember things – but she sometimes forgets to look at them! WQe vare all having to adjust to this new situation.
(on a plus side I am learning all sorts of stuff about memory loss which is really helpful in my professional life as a minister!)
The second thing seems small in comparison: I have lost my voice. No big deal except I was taking part in a friend’s wedding back in Leicester yesterday and was supposed to be leading worship and preaching today! My lovely other hald had preached last week elsewhere so has stepped in. I am not unwell but have not gone to church as ‘talking’ is also part of the job – (yes I known listening too but you have to ask questions and respond!) I knowq that the less I talk the quicker I will recover my voice and vice versa.
Now those of you who know me in real life now that I can talk for England and enforced silence seems to be a denial of who I am!
My mum and I have to both adjust to new ways of living – my is temporary but her’s is forever.
Yet I know that whether I can talk or not I am still God’s precious and beloved child – I am just sad my mum doesn’t understand that for herself.